Author: Mack Ames

When I wrote my first such post, it was about my weight loss program, and I’m glad that others have followed my example in that regard. However, there is another element in my life that other people have followed that I find far more gratifying, though I can take no credit for it whatsoever. It is the work of God’s grace in my life, as he burns the dross from my heart and molds me to make me more like his Son, Jesus.

I am always a work in progress. I love the Lord, but in my weakness I fall short of the righteousness in which I am called to live, so it is only by the grace and mercy of God that I show his love in my life as I should. To his credit, he is faithful to keep me in his hands, and to teach me by the Holy Spirit how I should live my life day by day. As I do that, people see his work in me and ask me the reason for the hope in my life. I tell them, “Jesus.” Some of them don’t want to hear more, but others ask more questions.

If, by God’s grace, I live as I should, others may follow. To God be the glory.

“What a happy reunion picture! It’s what Christian people do after terrible grief. We wash our faces. Give thanks. Laugh, smile, and eat together.” ~Steve Lawton

Steve Lawton is a friend I’ve known for more than thirty years. I got to know him through my sister Judi. Steve and his wife came to Maine the summer after my mother died, and they brought Christian charity into my life in wonderful ways I never imagined possible. In the decades since then, they have taught me the reality to Steve’s post that I’ve quoted here.

May 18, 2021

That was the date that I wrote those first two paragraphs. We had just held the memorial service for my dad, and I had shared pictures from the day on my social media pages. I may have commented that it seemed odd to be smiling so much at such a time as that, but whatever the case, Steve made the point of reminding me that for Christians, death is not the end of our relationships with one another. It is a pause, for we will see each other again in heaven. In the meantime, we meet to give God glory for the live that was lived in obedience to him, delighting to do God’s will, and we rejoice in the hope of eternity.

I blew air out of my mouth and into my face mask as I said the words that are the title of this post moments ago. I was reading an email on my personal account. Another bill to pay. Do nothing, and minimum payment will be made. Proactively respond, and pay down some of the principal, too. “Ugh. I don’t even want to think about this right now.”

How many times a day do I say or think that? How about you? What small (or large) decisions do we procrastinate on that could set repercussions for our lives long into the future?

A blogger I follow is rightly angered by the revelation of more than 215,000 sexual abuse cases that recently came to light within the Roman Catholic Church, in addition to the countless situations that have darkened the news for more than a decade already. The writer railed against “an impotent and evil god” and questioned the existence of God. I disagree with the writer’s conclusion, and in my final paragraph below, I addressed some of the objections raised by that writer.

It is not a new idea that God somehow is responsible for the evil of humankind and should stop it every time it rears its ugly head, even though we become less certain of that idea the moment we find out that God’s view of human wickedness and our view of it are not necessarily equal.

According to the Ten Commandments as viewed in the Old and New Testaments, the expectations and standards of God are not just outward appearances of obedience, but inward, too. It’s not enough that we refrain from physical adultery; we must not engage in mental voyeurism, either. Lusting for someone we aren’t married to is equated by Jesus to marital infidelity. It’s not enough that we refrain our hands from murder; we must not hate someone in our hearts. Malice and hate are equated by Jesus to murder. And so it goes, one by one, through the commands of God for people to obey him, to be perfect as he is perfect, so that when we try to hold God accountable for the evil others commit, we find that we are equally as fallen as they, even if our hands have not committed the same actions theirs have. Our hearts have undoubtedly betrayed morality just as egregiously at one time or another. Simply put, we don’t have a leg to stand on in order to judge God.

Based on a quote at the top of this other blogger’s page, I wrote the following two paragraphs:

I like your quote about life being unfair vs. fair, because of what would await us if we got all that we deserved if life were fair. That’s the crux of our complaint against the wickedness of the predator in your post: when will he get his just desserts? Why didn’t God stop him from committing such evil? But if God were fair, he would have wiped every one of us off the face of the earth millennia ago. He’s not fair. He’s just. He’s self-sufficiently holy and righteous to a standard we can’t attain, yet we judge him by our pathetic standards? We, who claim to have morals but deny the only moral being in the universe. Once we have rejected the truth of God, we lose our claims to moral high ground completely, for we are only on slippery slopes, comparatively better than one another, while utterly falling short of God’s glory.

Humankind is free to pursue what it will. The ones that are bent on evil will pursue it. The ones that are freed from that pursuit to pursue God will pursue God. Anyone that does evil and claims to know God is a liar. Anyone that does evil and claims to be acting on command of God is a liar. Anyone that acts contrary to the revealed word of God but claims to love God is a liar and the truth is not in him/her. Neither Protestant nor Catholic can claim Christ and live like the devil without being a liar. The abuse of children by priests or pastors or by anyone else–or of anyone else–is evil, and they earn their condemnation. Anyone else that refuses to bow to the lordship of Jesus Christ for any other reason also earns their condemnation. That’s another ‘not-so-polite-dinner-conversation’ topic. It is only by the grace and mercy of an omnipotent and good God that we escape such condemnation.

Whether in the workplace or in everyday life, our best advertisement for what we value is how we live. Like countless others, I’ve struggled with obesity for decades, and I’ve tried one diet after another in vain attempts to get control of my weight. When my father died in April, I ordered a new dress shirt and pants to wear for the service that was scheduled for mid-May. When they arrived, the pants fit just fine. I assumed the shirt would be okay, too, since I had ordered the “right” size. On the day of the service, I put the shirt on, and as I buttoned it up, I knew I was in trouble. The two buttons over the largest part of my gut barely closed the shirt. I did the ‘sit down’ test; the shirt immediately gapped between those two buttons. In frustration and disgust, I took off the new shirt and put on a polo shirt, instead. I was too fat.

Dad had been after me to lose weight for years. I’m 51. When he was 51, he weighed about 350. At the time of his death, he weighed a LOT less than that because he’d gotten serious about his health many years ago. I, on the other hand, weighed 333 when he died. About a week after his funeral was my 23rd wedding anniversary. I woke up very early to take the dog out for his morning business. After that and feeding him, I sat down in my easy chair and contemplated life. I was sick of being morbidly obese; sick of how I felt, sick of how I looked, sick of having no energy, sick of everything related to it. I had tried every reasonable diet. I lost the weight and it came back. I weighed too much to exercise. I needed to change, permanently. What should I do?

Because of the example of a friend, I tried Noom. I had reached the end of my rope, and his example provided me the courage to try a program I never would have considered otherwise. I joined the Noom Cognitive Behavior Intervention for Food and Physical Activity, and I haven’t looked back.

Since beginning my journey, I’ve made my social media friends my accountability group, posting monthly progress reports. These folks have been the source of unbelievable encouragement, and some have shared their experiences with Noom, too. Others have decided to follow my example and become more health-conscious.

At no point in time have I said, “You should do this, too,” or “You should try Noom.” It’s not my place to do that! This is about my journey. I have been overweight all of my adult life, and I’m tired of it. I want to be healthier. I want to be more alert. I want to work and live longer. Losing weight and being physically fit will reduce stress in my life and on the job. I’ve been losing weight and walking more, and as a result, I’m beginning to have more energy for life. I have a long way to go to reach my ultimate goal, but now I know that I can get there.

This is life. And this is leading by example.

And oh, yeah. I’ve lost 33 pounds in three-and-a-half months through permanent changes to eating and physical activity habits.

#leadership #mentalhealth #job #wellness #Noom

Today, I share the writing of another author. The author is a man that was one of my college professors in the education department at Covenant College from 1988 to 1993. The impact he had on my life and career cannot be overstated, so I present the link to his article without further ado:

https://covenant.edu/blog/life-career/drawing-line-your-teaching

When I’m teaching, I have to keep a two-way radio on in my classroom. My kids think it’s kind of cool, and I suppose it is, except that the squawks are hard to tune out without tuning out the occasional calls I should be hearing. It’s a kind of ‘listening dance’ to keep my train of thought on track while picking up the gist of the radio traffic so that I don’t miss anything important but dismiss the nonsense.

On Thursday, August 20th, I was with my WorkReady class. They were wrapping up their group discussions of the “Survivor Scenario,” in which they each had to select ten items from a list of 20 or so that could be chosen to help them survive a plane crash in subzero temperatures on a forested mountain, 3-foot deep snow, 100 miles from the nearest town, etc. Then they had to meet in groups to compare lists and decide on what their groups would choose before reporting to the referee (me) what they’d chosen (and why). Finally, if any differences remained between the two groups’ lists, we’d see if they could compromise for the final tally.

As I was saying, it was approaching 9:00 a.m. and the group wranglings were almost done. I had written the group names on the dry erase board and put the word “SURVIVOR” in between the names in anticipation of the lists each group’s reporter was going to give me. Just as we were about to begin the reports, my radio squawked, “Attention, All Staff. Attention All Staff.“

I reached for my radio and cranked up the volume. “Return all residents to their housing units to lock in for emergency count. Repeat. Return all residents to their housing units to lock in for emergency count.”

Little did we know at the time what that would mean for us, but I’d had some idea of what could be happening, and I told them to put their binders away or take them with them, because I was fairly certain that we wouldn’t be having class again for a few days. In reality, we didn’t meet again for WorkReady until August 31st.

What happened? COVID 19 had returned to our facility. As of August 20th, seven staff were out with positive diagnoses. All of us were tested over the next two days. Miraculously, none of us were infected, but we’re still back to wearing N-95 masks all the time. As of this week, we are back to regular programming, though the education department is short-staffed, so my classes are regularly pre-empted for college class supervision. I’m not completely against that, but it does play havoc with my schedule on a regular basis, which becomes a bit tiring. Still, we do good work where we are, and I’m glad to be part of this team. It’s been ten years on this job now, and I hope to be here still ten years from now, still making a difference, still changing lives.

It has been four months since Dad died. Personal life crashes on, but so do state, national, and global experience. The several days surrounding Dad’s service in May were made much better for me by the presence of all my siblings and their spouses. The fellowship with all of them was sweet and rich, and we looked forward eagerly to hopes of reunion again in August. However, in God’s providence, my brother’s family couldn’t make the trip in August again. Instead, we enjoyed a visit with my sister’s family from North Carolina–she and her husband and their three youngest children, the last two being mid-teens.

As part of her time in Maine, this sister, J, found herself on a mission to learn more about our late Mom, who died 34 years ago of bone cancer, just a few months before J’s wedding. J and her husband stayed with each of our other two sisters on this trip, and both had treasures of Mum to share with her. Pictures and letters and drawings that filled out more of Mum’s life than we’d put together before are now being pieced together by our middle sister, and she began to share that with all of us today. Additionally, she discovered a blog on wordpress.com called twofelines (https://twofelines.wordpress.com/) that described a camp that Mum had attended as a young girl in the 1940s. Talk about a hidden treasure! The author of that blog has no idea the gratitude that my siblings and I have toward her for sharing these memory nuggets with us through her blog!

The Lord continues to bless us with the testimonies of His grace for how He worked through Mum and Dad to accomplish His purposes for His glory, our good, and so that we might enjoy Him forever. I am grateful for the hidden treasures that my sisters have brought out to share with each other, that all of us can be enriched by the life our Mum lived.

At the end of a very moving prayer Sunday morning, Elder Joshua Klein led the congregation in saying the Lord’s Prayer. I was caught off guard a little bit by this, as it’s been several weeks since I was in church for various reasons, and the last time we said the prayer together, I stumbled over the words–to my own embarrassment and my wife’s amusement. When we said this phrase, known to many around the world as “forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those that trespass against us,” I was cut to the quick, because I knew immediately that there are people in my life I am not forgiving. And if I am not forgiving my debtors, why should I expect God to forgive me my debts to Him?

I spoke to a friend about this, describing the situation I had in mind. He suggested that if I could not expect the other party to acknowledge guilt for the harm caused to me, then it would do me no good to carry a burden of bitterness for the situation, for I would end up bitter for no good reason. He said, “It’s not your job to save that person. You need to live your own life.”

As I pondered his words, I recognized the truth in them, so I forgive the debts of the other, that I, too, may be forgiven. Further, as the sins that God has forgiven me are “cast into the sea of forgetfulness and are remembered (against me) no more,” so, too, shall I endeavor to the same result with the other party involved. In order for that to happen, however, I realize that I cannot intentionally interact with that person, and as my regular course of life does not involve the person, there is no reason why that should happen, Lord willing. Healing must occur for both parties, healing that only God can bring, and time and distance are required for that to happen.

“For Thine is the kingdom and the power and glory forever. Amen.”

My father fulfilled his wedding vows to my mother by loving, cherishing, and providing for her until death parted them in 1987 when cancer claimed her life. Their wedding anniversary was July 2nd.A few years later, Dad remarried, and he kept the same vows until his death parted them a little over three months ago. Their anniversary is also in July. The entire experience of saying farewell to Dad has been surreal. My initial response was intensely emotional, followed by extended periods of deep reflection. When Mum died, it took years to release the emotion, so I’m hoping to avoid that awful situation. Perhaps, since I’m aware of it, I’ll be able to express my emotions instead of bottling them.

Now, that first paragraph was a Facebook post in early July 2021, and some very thoughtful friends posted the following responses (I’ll use just partial names to protect the innocent/guilty):

Mr. O wrote: Bill, I don’t think we ever get over it. We live with lots of great memories and we look to the future when we will be together for eternity. That’s what helps us get through it.

MD posted: “Always here to talk if you need to and to pray for you.” That was very similar to what DR said: “We never shyed away from uncomfortable or deep conversations. If you ever need to talk I will make myself available to you.”

PR, an acquaintance, said: Grief has no time limit. Take care of yourself, God knows the turmoil of our grief times.

A friend for almost my entire life, RM, added this: “It must be very difficult to re-experience the intense feelings of loss and grief at certain times. Praying for you as you reflect and process. Take good care and be gracious/patient/kind to yourself- like you are with others.” Not too long ago, RM and I spoke on the phone for almost an hour. We’d been schoolmates for many years a long time ago, and though our lives have gone in different directions, our families have somehow staying in touch over the decades. RM and I have done some similar work in our vocations, so I appreciate what was written here. Kind, as always, and generous of thought.

Lastly, two friends from town that have known their own griefs and trials–some of which I’ve known about, too. K shared his thoughts, and J added hers: “In my experience grief comes in waves. Some days I’m completely fine, paddling on calm seas. Other days I’m tossed about in my dingy in the worst seas I can imagine. Take it as it comes, bottling up emotion is poison to the soul. Allow yourself to put the emotion away for a time if you need to, but remember that even though you put it away you still need to deal with it, so give yourself time for that as well. Wishing you nothing but the best always ”

“It is waves, just like K said, some days I feel stronger than others, then I might feel like I can’t swim against the waves of it coming in. Most of the time I have no idea what the next day or even the next hour will bring, but the agonizing pain has subsided, I know and believe she is still around me, because of that I can survive. I took H to a movie tonight, simple right? Not so much, it brought back waves of the last time I was there my mom sitting next to me. I’m sending you tons of prayers and love.”

As I’ve been reflecting on these and other comments made to my post, my wife and I made our plans for our day tomorrow. We’ve just driven home today from a week out of town, and we have a birthday party open house to attend tomorrow afternoon for my eldest nephew, who turned 40 this week. I told her I’m willing to go alone if she doesn’t feel like it, having been in the car for six hours today. And without thinking, I almost added, “And then I’ll swing over and see Dad afterward. I haven’t seen him in awhile. I want to find out how he’s doing, and tell him about our trip.” I bit my tongue, my heart in my throat, and tears in my eyes. It’s not the first time I’ve thought of “swinging by to see Dad” the last three months, and it won’t be the last. PR is right. Grief has no time limit.